he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
