You work out of a Hotel?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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