Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
