I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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