You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
