I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
birth control should be required to get into college
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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