Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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