just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
