I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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