I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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