Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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