please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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