Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
