there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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