i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This baby is an asshole
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
