You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
