he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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