I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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