i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
