my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
