do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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