Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
