Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
