at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize