i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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