i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
