It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
pray to the hookup gods
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
