First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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