I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
