You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
