Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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