He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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