I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
