Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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