Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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