giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
