my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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