Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
