I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
His nipple licking is glorious
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