its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
