And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i would punch a child for taco bell
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
