mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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