sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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