I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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