God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
