I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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