hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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