my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
