Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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