the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
