I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
