As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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