Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
