i would punch a child for taco bell
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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