There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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