I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
