can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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