Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
