I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
