toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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