So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
